Every now and then
you find someone you really like,
but sometimes in the end
they may not fit you right

My baby's in love with a shoe salesman
the man who works down the block
yes, she's in love for the first time, again
he's got her heart tied up in a knot

With all his talk about the price he can give
he's got her sold on the life they could live
just like the slippers in the window there
he says they make such a cozy pair


My baby's in love with a shoe salesman
it makes me feel like a sock full of holes
it all began when she window-shopped
an' pretty soon he was holding her sole

Now she's in love with that man down the street
and he's in love with her feet
I try to think everything is alright,
but who's gonna keep my feet warm at night

Oh, I love her even though
she's made a heel out of me




My baby's in love with a shoe salesman
now I don't fit her,
no, I don't fit her
now I don't fit her anymore.

Adrian Belew

Unexpected Conversation of the Weekend

Host: "How are you enjoying the party?"
Gordie: "Great. I was just talking to Derek"

"Ah, you met Derek. He's a good bloke."
"Yeah, and his mum's really nice, too."

"Don't go there."
"Uh?"

"Just don't go there. It doesn't matter how big your dick is, or how thick. If you sleep with Derek's mum, you will wake up in a pool of blood, going Oh. My. God."

"Thanks for the advice..."

How to Buy Paint

RIGHT


WRONG

In A Land Called Hanalei

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist
In a land called Hanalei,
Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
And brought him string and sealing wax
And other fancy stuff.

Hanalei is a village in Hawaii, near the mouth of the Hanalei River, on the north shore of Kauai island. It looks like a good place to get some frolicking done, doesn't it?

Quote of the Day

"People are at least as interested in group sex and orgies as they are in apple pie."
Lawrence Walters, defense attorney.

Mr. Walters is using data from Google to argue that the porn films made by his client reflect “contemporary community standards”, therefore cannot be considered obscene under American law.

According to the New York Times, surfing and Nintendo are even more popular than orgies.

Gordie Is Feeling Juvenile

Party time!
Excellent!

Somebody Might Wave Back

Seven o'clock in the morning
And I'm riding the overnight train
I've got ten tons of luggage
But I left it behind when I came
I look at my watch,
Says September seventeen
We're riding past some place
Where I've never been
And I'm waving through the window as we go.

Somebody says "Well, hey,
what are you waving at?"
Well what have I got to lose?
Somebody might wave back


Seven o'clock in the morning,
I'm carrying bags under my eyes
Been awake all night,
Counting the hours to sunrise
Drawing patterns on the tabletop
I lift my gaze
And my mouth just dropped
Someone waving in the window at me

And I say "Hey there,
What are you waving at?"
He says "What do I have to lose,
somebody might wave back"

What do I have to lose,
somebody might wave back.
THE WATERBOYS

Yesterday, When I Was Mad

Darling, you were wonderful, you really were quite good
I enjoyed it, though, of course, no one understood
A word of what was going on, they didn't have a clue
They couldn't understand your sense of humour like I do

You're much too kind
I smiled with murder on my mind

Yesterday, when I was mad
And quite prepared to give up everything
Admitting, I don't believe
In anyone's sincerity, and that's what's really got to me

You have a certain quality, which really is unique
Expressionless, such irony, although your voice is weak
It doesn't really matter 'cause the music is so loud
Of course it's all on tape, but no one will find out

You hated me too
But not as much as I hated you

Yesterday, when I was mad
And quite prepared to give up everything
Admitting, I don't believe
In anyone's sincerity,
And that's what's really got to me

Then, when I was lonely
I thought again
And changed my mind

Then we posed for pictures with the competition winners
And argued about the hotel rooms, and where to go for dinner
And someone said: "It's fabulous you're still around today,
You've both made such a little go a very long way"

Yesterday, when I was mad
And quite prepared to give up everything
Admitting, I don't believe
In anyone's sincerity,
And that's what's really got to me

Yesterday, when I was mad
And quite prepared to give up everything
Admitting, I don't believe
In anyone's sincerity,
And that's what's really got to me

Then, when I was lonely
I thought again
And changed my mind
Pet Shop Boys

On Being Told I Was Mad

When I was ten years old, all the other children in my class decided I was mad.

Amazingly, I became the most popular boy in the school. I was more confident and outgoing, and for the first time in my life, I felt that I knew who I was. I had an identity.

I started to enjoy the music of Syd Barrett and Nick Drake. (I still do.) I started wearing a black tee-shirt, inside out.

I carried a copy of Bob Dylan's 'Tarantula' everywhere, and bought an old typewriter, so that I could type surrealist junk in uneven letters.

On the down side, my relationship with the psychotic alcoholic Scottish paedophile who was our form master in Year 10 was not as straightforward as it could have been.

I still have a lingering feeling that the word "mad" has some integrity to it. I think I want to step away from that. It's not too late to make a decent comeback album.

You Can Tell

you can tell
from the scars on my arms
and cracks in my hips
and the dents in my car
and the blisters on my lips
that i'm not the carefullest of girls

you can tell
from the glass on the floor
and the strings that are breaking
and i keep on breaking more
and it looks like i am shaking
but it's just the temperature

and then again
if it were any colder
i could disengage
if i were any older
i could act my age
but i dont think that you'ld believe

it's
not
the
way
i'm
meant
to
be
it's just the way the operation made me

and you can tell
from the state of my room
that they let me out too soon
and the pills that i ate
came a couple years too late
and ive got some issues to work through
(there i go again!
pretending to be you)
make-believing
that i have a soul beneath the surface
trying to convince you
it was accidentally on purpose

i am not so serious
this passion is a plagiarism
i might join your century
but only on a rare occasion
i was taken out
before the labor pains set in and now
behold the world's worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

and you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the bathtub full of flies
that i'm not right now at all
there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
(the attention just encourages her)

and you can tell
from the full-body cast
that i'm sorry that i asked
though you did everything you could
(like any decent person would)
but i might be catching so don't touch
you'll start believing you're
immune to gravity and stuff
don't get me wet
because the bandages
will all come off

and you can tell
from the smoke at the stake
that the current state is critical
well it is the little things, for instance:
in the time it takes to break it
she can make up ten excuses:
please excuse her for the day,
its just the way the medication makes her...

i dont necessarily believe
there is a cure for this
so i might join your century
but only as a doubtful guest
i was too precarious
removed as a caesarian
behold the world's worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

DRESDEN DOLLS
copyright 2002 amanda palmer

Smiling Woman at Home With Ladder

You really can find anything on the internet. (Usually, I might say, when you're looking for something else entirely. I found this when I was looking for pictures of vases being repaired.)
There are 140 matches on Google for the phrase ""smiling woman at home with ladder".

Once again, Sunday turns out to be a 'wishing I had somebody to kiss' day. I'm not doing any housework today, just writing, and wanting someone interesting to distract me.

Fortunate, sex and alcohol are not a problem. One is in abundant supply, and the other can be deferred.

The Church of England

The Church of England is the Conservative Party at prayer. This Sunday, Hot Vimto is brought to you live from a parish church somewhere in England.



Anglicans believe that God is an Englishman, that the rules of cricket were first revealed at the Last Supper, and that although God condemned Eve to bear children in sorrow, he allowed her to find joy in baking cakes.

The English are traditionally supposed to have been converted by St Augustine in 597, but although his preaching was well received in Kent, he was less fortunate north of the Thames, and East Anglia reverted to heathenism in 616. An ancient nature deity, Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear, is still venerated in some of the more backward parts of Huntingdonshire.

Becoming Whole

“Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole.”
Derek Walcott

Call and Response

"A regular booty call partner can be much more satisfying for a woman than a string of one-night stands, because it usually takes a few sessions to teach a new man the various routes to your happy place.

"And if you're not demanding orgasms from your casual sex,
then you're kinda missing the point, aren't ya?"

(thanks to Em and Lo for that little tip.)

Thought For The Day

In order to succeed in the world,
it is not enough to be stupid.
You must also have good manners.

Voltaire

Sex and Shopping

Cosmopolitan magazine claims
that women think about shopping
almost as often as men think about sex.

I don't believe them. Do you?

Melting Point

"Melt down over
women and gays"

I thought it was a recipe involving chocolate...
(possibly a suggestion for using up leftover Easter eggs)

But in fact.... it was a newspaper headline in The Times today,
about the current state of the Church of England.

All I Want, Part 3

So... this is what I did today: writing, and housework.

And what I wanted to do, was exactly what I was doing, but to have somebody there that I could stop every once in a while, and kiss. And talk to. And cuddle. And then carry on working.

All I Want, Part 2

Eros, again now,
the loosener of limbs
troubles me...
Bittersweet, sly,
Uncontrollable creature.

All I need is a little time,
To get behind this sun
And cast my weight,
All I need is a peace of mind,
Then I can celebrate.

All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...

All I need is a little sign,
To get behind this sun
And cast this weight of mine,
All I need is the place to find,
And there Ill celebrate.

All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...

AIR

All I Want, Part 1

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be
Oh I hate you some, I hate you some
I love you some
Oh I love you when I forget about me

I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Do you want - do you want - do you want
To dance with me baby
Do you want to take a chance
On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
Well, come on

All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you
I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
I want to renew you again and again
Applause, applause - life is our cause
When I think of your kisses
My mind see-saws

Do you see - do you see - do you see
How you hurt me baby
So I hurt you too
Then we both get so blue

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Looking for the key to set me free
Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
Its the unraveling
And it undoes all the joy that could be

I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
Want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm,
Want to make you feel free
I want to make you feel free

Joni Mitchell

Pet Boys

If you're one of those smart, modern, professional women who juggle their lives, and you can't make up your mind whether you want a dog, a boyfriend, a baby, or just a shiny new sex toy, there's good news from Asia, where the Koreans have invented a new kind of relationship that combines elements of all four.


Pet Boys are young men who offer themselves for adoption by lonely women, who get to keep them and do pretty much what they want with them. The idea started out as an 'anime' cartoon about a woman who is always unlucky in love, who picks up a homeless boy off the street one day and takes him home. Evidently plenty of Korean women liked the sound of that.

And if you're a nineteen year-old masochistic Asian boy, I suppose being kept in a closet full of high heeled shoes, and taken out occasionally and used for sex, must be ... well actually, I'll let you make your own minds up about that. Watch the video.

Politics

I want to go to bed with these people. At the same time.

(I'm also really pleased about David Davis forcing a by-election on the question of civil liberties, but I don't want to sleep with him.)

Football Crazy

I'm enjoying watching Euro 2008.

I've managed to persuade myself that drinking in front of a wide screen TV is actually a very good way to work through the writer's block that's been making my PhD so difficult, and reconnect to being a storyteller, a dramatic narrator in control of his material.

I've been watching Austria vs. Poland, tonight, and for some reason the commentator keeps saying "f*** her t**s".

Now, I'll grant you, there are times when that could be good advice, but not normally during a sporting event, especially not an all-male international football match.

I've had to step over to Google and discover that in fact, Austria are fielding a defender by the name of Emanuel Pogatetz. Suddenly, it all makes sense. Excuse me, while I kiss this guy.

(For anyone who isn't interested in football - the team that humiliated England has just humiliated Germany, so it's all right now.)

Thought for the Day

Cheese: milk's great leap
towards
immortality

Black Crow Blues

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten
that we belong to each other.”




I woke in the mornin', wondering,
Weary and worn out.
I woke in the mornin', wondering,
Weary and worn out.
Wishin' my long-lost lover
Would walk to me, talk to me,
Tell me what it's all about.

I was standin' at the side road
Listenin' to the billboard knock.
Standin' at the side road
Listenin' to the billboard knock.
Well, my wrist was empty
But my nerves were kickin',
Tickin' like a clock.

If I got anything you need, babe,
Let me tell you in front.
If I got anything you need, babe,
Let me tell you in front.
You can come to me sometime,
Night time, day time,
Any time you want.

Sometimes I'm thinkin'
I'm too high to fall.
Sometimes I'm thinkin'
I'm Too high to fall.
Other times I'm thinkin' I'm
So low I don't know
If I can come up at all.

Black crow's in the meadow
Across a broad highway.
Black crow's in the meadow
Across a broad highway.
Though it's funny, honey,
I just don't feel much like a
Scarecrow today.

BOB DYLAN

Changes

I still don't know
What I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time
I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste
Was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I never caught a glimpse
Of how the others
Must see the faker
I'm much too fast
To take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strain
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Turn and face the strain
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be
A different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

I watch the ripples
Change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
And so the days
Float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware
Of what they're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

Strange fascinations assailing me
Changes are taking
The pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get older

Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time

David Bowie

Thirteen

Won't you let me
Walk you home from school?
Won't you let me
Meet you at the pool?
Maybe Friday I can
Get tickets for the dance
And I'll take you

Won't you tell your dad
To get off my back?
Tell him what we said
about "Paint It Black"
Rock and roll is here to stay
Come inside now, it's OK
And I'll shake you
Oh, oh, oh

Won't you tell me
What you're thinking of?
Would you be an outlaw
For my love?
If it's so then let me know
If it's no then I can go
And I won't make you

Big Star

Departed

Something has changed about me.

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but sometime during May, a demon that has lived inside me since the summer I turned thirteen, decided to move out.

I'm surprised. I'm glad.
I wonder what will happen now.

I'll let you know.

Big Brother Is Watching You...

Bo Diddley Was a Gunslinger

I can't remember a time when I didn't know the Bo Diddley riff.

That jink -a- jink -a- jink shuffle followed me round in my childhood and my teens. It kept turning up on the radio, in the Rolling Stones' 'Not Fade Away', in The Who's 'Magic Bus', in The Smiths' 'How Soon Is Now', in U2's 'Desire'.

I don't know anyone who can do a Mick Jagger impersonation without thinking of him wiggling his little butt and shaking a pair of maracas. I can't even think of maracas without hearing the Bo Diddley beat. Shave and a haircut, two bucks.

Bo Diddley was a true original, and his groove will live forever. Distracted as a fourteen year old with a hard on, and powerful as a steam train.

So, farewell then...

Yves Saint - Laurent (1936 - 2008)
He invented women wearing trousers.


Whaaaat?
You mean, somebody had to invent that? It didn't just happen? It wasn't always there?

Yep... and make it fashionable, and chic and socially acceptable.
Fortunately, YSL did that.



The world is a better place.

Happy When It Rains

Go On... Enjoy Yourself

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights
Heading for Spain
And I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel,
Must be the clouds in my eyes.

They say Spain is pretty
Though I've never been
Well Daniel says it's the best place
That he's ever seen
Oh and he should know,
He's been there enough
Lord I miss Daniel,
Oh I miss him so much.

Daniel my brother
You are older than me
Do you still feel the pain
Of the scars that won't heal
Your eyes have died
But you see more than I
Daniel you're a star
In the face of the sky.

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights
Heading for Spain
And I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel,
Must be the clouds in my eyes.