Sunday, 22 June 2008

The Church of England

The Church of England is the Conservative Party at prayer. This Sunday, Hot Vimto is brought to you live from a parish church somewhere in England.

Anglicans believe that God is an Englishman, that the rules of cricket were first revealed at the Last Supper, and that although God condemned Eve to bear children in sorrow, he allowed her to find joy in baking cakes.

The English are traditionally supposed to have been converted by St Augustine in 597, but although his preaching was well received in Kent, he was less fortunate north of the Thames, and East Anglia reverted to heathenism in 616. An ancient nature deity, Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear, is still venerated in some of the more backward parts of Huntingdonshire.

1 comment:

Donn said...

Ha! this is a jolly good review of the C of E.
God IS an Englishman and I know this because I have seen a painting of him and he bears an uncanny resemblence to King James what with the porcelain skin and orange hair and all..quite remarkable really.

I have memorized the standard prayer as recited by Monty P..

"O Lord…
… ooh, You are so big…
… so absolutely huge.
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and…

… and barefaced flattery.

But You're so strong and, well, just so… super.
Congregation: Fantastic!
Chaplain: Amen."

Pretty much sums it up eh?