Saturday, 29 November 2008


I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne
And it tastes just like Coca-Cola
C-o-l-a cola
She walked up to me
And she asked me to dance
I asked her her name
And in a dark brown voice
She said Lola
L-o-l-a lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight
She nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
Well I’m not dumb
But I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman
And talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy won’t you come home with me
Well I’m not the world’s most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that’s the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I’d never ever kissed a woman before
But lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I’m gonna make you a man

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man
And so is Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

The Kinks

Could Female Orgasms Kill Men?

Apparently, there's a good chance they would.. Thanks to Science and Supermodels for this advice, which is another good reason to put your partner's pleasure first, chaps.

"If theta waves are taken as a criterion, the entire brain emits theta waves when women reach an orgasm that are close to 10 times stronger than when men climax. So, if theta waves are an indication of an orgasm's strength, then women experience an orgasm that is physically impossible for men to go through.

Putting it a little crudely, if the intensity of a woman's orgasm was played through a man's brain, there's a danger that the shock to his system would kill him. That risk makes it impossible to experiment on a man at the moment. And men can never become women."

Dr. Kunio Kitamura
Head of the Japan Family Planning Association

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Spooky Girlfriend

I want a girl to make a mess
To do no wrong she must confess
And then perhaps hitch up her dress
'Cos when the flashbulbs explode
She's such a sensitive soul...

I want a girl who is helpless and frail
Who won't pull on my ponytail
I want a girl who has no past
She's made up now
But that won't last
'Cos when she sits on my knee
And then she whispers to me

"Can't you see
I could be
I could be
Your spooky girlfriend"

The broken toys are all scattered in the attic
Newspapers play with the words of the fanatic
While the greeting cards are your most poetic lyric
And the flat champagne is sweet sugar syrup

I want to paint you with glitter and with dirt
Picture you wit innocence and hurt
The shutter closes
Exposes the shot
she says, "Are you looking up my skirt?"
When you say "No"
She says "Why not?"

I want a girl to turn my screw
To wind my watch, to buckle my shoe
And if she won't her mother will do
Cos when she does as she's told
We'll all turn platinum and gold

But when she sits on my knee
I hear her whispers to me
"Can't you see?
"I could be your spooky girlfriend"

Elvis Costello

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Hi Ken

High Street, Kensington

A long time ago, (when I were a lad), High Street Kensington was the home to Biba, the most fabulous boutique on earth, where my cousin Rachel went to buy trendy clothes that she dreamed would make her look like Julie Driscoll, or the lady on the right.

In its heyday, Biba took up the entire Derry and Toms department store building, and beautiful young ladies could try on their maxi coats and kinky boots surrounded by Egyptian columns, marble flooring, and Art Deco stained glass.

I sat in my bedroom, listening to the first and second Roxy Music albums, dreaming of the glamorous, amplified, sexy, drug enhanced, world my generation would eventually inherit.

Then we joined the Common Market, and had a recession, and a three-day week.

Then a bit later we had punk, which was not really glamorous or sexy, but it was amplified and fun.

Gordie Is Absent

I would rather be anywhere else than here today.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Young Americans

According to BBC Radio this morning, Obama / Biden polled more votes than McCain / Palin in every demographic group except one.

The senior citizens voted Republican.

America is changing.

Do you remember
Your President Nixon?
Do you remember
The bills you have to pay
Or even yesterday?

Have you been an un-American?
Just you and your idol singing
Falsetto 'bout leather, leather everywhere,
And not a myth left from the ghetto?

Well, well, well, would you carry a razor
In case, just in case of depression
Sit on your hands on a bus of survivors
Blushing at all the Afro-Sheeners

Is that what they mean by a "post-racial" America?
Those Aladdin Sane t-shirts are extremely cool.

Ain't that close to love?
Well, ain't that poster love?
Well, it ain't that Barbie doll
Her heart's been broken just like you have.

All night!
You want the young American
Young American, young American,
You want the young American
All right!
You want the young American

Written and sung by DAVID BOWIE

Time To Buy The Girls A Puppy

A big thank you to everybody in America who took the trouble to enjoy their right to vote yesterday.