In Solitude

This is me, this week. I like it here.

Happy Birthday Dash!

Today in Blogland is the festival of Dashmas

the birthday of the lovely Dash

(picture posed by model)

So add a dash of cordial to your drink

and celebrate with me!

Today Is Saturday, Wear A Shirt

Go On... Enjoy Yourself

Honest Politician

You know what you're going to get from this man...

Saint Rita

Today is St. Rita's Day. St. Rita is known as the patron saint of the impossible. The day after she was baptised, a swarm of bees settled on her crib and walked all over her face, going in and out of her mouth, thus proving that she was a very holy person.



Today is also the national day of Yemen, which gives me the perfect excuse to post a clip of the greatest comedian ever born in Yemen, Mr Eddie Izzard, talking about bees.

The Lord also marked St. Rita's face with the stigma of the Crown of Thorns; people who met her reported that she had an exceedingly painful wound on her forehead that emitted a disagreeable odour, yet she considered it a very great grace.

Life was so much simpler in the old days.

Gordie is Dark

A Rush of Blood to the Head

Okay, so I seem to be going through a women upside-down phase.

The Guardian described Martha Wainwright as "wearingly needy, endlessly self-examining", which gives me a damn good reason not to have anything to do with her, but just look at that picture, would you? All that blood, rushing to her head...

And the album title. "I Know You're Married But I've Got Feelings Too". Martha is dangerous. Martha will utterly screw up your life. She's the Devil, and nothing will change her.

I want to take those heels in my hands, take off her shoes, and begin kissing her feet, while looking up her dress.

Sexy Advertising

This is so erotic. It makes me want to finish my thesis and get a job where I can stay in nice hotels.

Beth Ditto

I approve of this.
I really think it ought to be encouraged.

Saturday Night Special

The divine Miss Piggy struts her stuff in the latest electro-disco style.
(Not suitable for under-18s)

Happy Birthday, Fathorse!

"Fathorse" Bertonelli, the Irish Italian actress, is best known for her role in Happy Days , where she played the rock'n'roll biker chick Leather Tuscadero.

Today is also the birthday of the poet Dante...

and Albert Einstein.

If I'd known you were coming, I'd have baked a cake



Baked a cake





Baked a cake


Enjoy your birthday, Fathorse



and good luck in your exams!

Slaughterhouse Five

This is a really good novel about men and war and happiness and freedom.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. was an American soldier in World War II, and he was a prisoner of war in Dresden when the RAF firebombed the city. Many years later, he wanted to write a novel about war which portrayed soldiers as like frightened children. Slaughterhouse Five was that novel.

My father was also a prisoner of war, somewhere in east Germany. At the time of the bombing of Dresden, my dad would have been either in a Nazi POW camp, or a fugitive, walking across mountains and fields, trying to reach the American army before the Nazis recaptured him.



I don't think my dad would have liked Slaughterhouse Five. It wouldn't have been heroic enough for him. He wouldn't have liked the way Vonnegut mixed science fiction with historical facts. But I knew my dad was frightened. Even in the seventies, he still had nightmares about the war. He used to wake up in a panic, and my mother would try to comfort him.

The science fiction part of Slaughterhouse Five involves time travel to a planet called Tralfamadore. The Tralfamadorians don't believe in free will, and they mock
humans because we do. They can see the future and the past, and because they believe they can't change them, choose to focus on the moments in their lives that they value most.



So it goes.

The Dresden Dolls

Amanda Palmer sings and plays piano in a band called The Dresden Dolls. Sometimes I dream about having an intense, passionate, sexual relationship with Amanda, from which I am eventually rescued by Sia Furler.

This video will explain everything.



I also fantasise that Brian, the drummer, is the actor who plays Brian, the dog, in Family Guy. But I know that it's only a cartoon, and besides, a dog would never wear that much makeup.

Breastfed Babies Become Better Bloggers

I have absolutely no evidence to support this assertion.

I just like the alliteration.

Yael Naim - Paris

This morning, my hangover was too severe to cope with the Chris Moyles Show, so I tuned to Chill DAB instead and found this lovely song by Yael Naim.



You might recognise Yael's voice from the MacBook Air commercial (she sings "I'm a new soul" while a hand slides the computer into an envelope.)

In this song, she's singing in Hebrew and French, and the only line I understand is when (I think) she says "I'm so happy here, so why do I cry at night?"

I think that's a reasonable question.

Sometimes sad music makes me really happy.

Get Britain Breast Feeding

It's International Midwives' Day today, which gives me a good reason to blog about three things dear to my heart - women, babies, and breasts.

The charity Best Beginnings wanted to do something about the image breastfeeding has in the UK. For some reason, despite the fact that images of women's breasts are everywhere , the knowledge that you can also pop one into a baby's mouth and give it a healthy meal is somehow seen as a bit meh.

Less than 2 per cent of British babies are exclusively breastfed at six months, which is what the World Health Organisation recommends for all babies. Young mothers (20 and under) are particularly reluctant to feed. The winning poster campaign by two students at Central St. Martins celebrates 'cool, multitasking breasts' and emphasises that breastfeeding enhances intimacy and emotional bonding between a woman and her baby, and a woman and her partner.

By Sophie Barker and Kayleigh Brooks for Get Britain Breast Feeding
(Best Beginnings Central Saint Martins Poster Competition)

http://getbritainbreastfeeding.org.uk/
Read the blog post at Boinkology
Read the article in the Independent

Boys Will Be Girls

I just think this is such a cool advert.

Philips wanted to promote their new epilator as much less painful to use, so who do they get to demonstrate it? A male-to-female transsexual. His / her name is Karis, and s/he looks to me like a younger Teri Hatcher.



I love the tagline "like all men, he's not good with pain" (that's bound to appeal to women) but also the way he says

"It's never really about fooling people, it's just about me doing what I feel most comfortable with - you know, try and send a message of beauty out there."

Maybe if I can lose enough weight to look good for the beach this summer, this could be my next target.

Isis

I married Isis on the fifth day of May,
But I could not hold on to her very long.
So I cut off my hair and I rode straight away
For the wild unknown country where I could not go wrong.

I came to a high place of darkness and light.
The dividing line ran through the center of town.
I hitched up my pony to a post on the right,
Went in to a laundry to wash my clothes down.

A man in the corner approached me for a match.
I knew right away he was not ordinary.
He said, "Are you lookin' for somethin' easy to catch?"
I said, "I got no money." He said, "That ain't necessary."

We set out that night for the cold in the North.
I gave him my blanket, he gave me his word.
I said, "Where are we goin'?" He said we'd be back by the fourth.
I said, "That's the best news that I've ever heard."

I was thinkin' about turquoise, I was thinkin' about gold,
I was thinkin' about diamonds and the world's biggest necklace.
As we rode through the canyons, through the devilish cold,
I was thinkin' about Isis, how she thought I was so reckless.

How she told me that one day we would meet up again,
And things would be different the next time we wed,
If I only could hang on and just be her friend.
I still can't remember all the best things she said.

We came to the pyramids all embedded in ice.
He said, "There's a body I'm tryin' to find.
If I carry it out it'll bring a good price."
'Twas then that I knew what he had on his mind.

The wind it was howlin' and the snow was outrageous.
We chopped through the night and we chopped through the dawn.
When he died I was hopin' that it wasn't contagious,
But I made up my mind that I had to go on.

I broke into the tomb, but the casket was empty.
There was no jewels, no nothin', I felt I'd been had.
When I saw that my partner was just bein' friendly,
When I took up his offer I must-a been mad.

I picked up his body and I dragged him inside,
Threw him down in the hole and I put back the cover.
I said a quick prayer and I felt satisfied.
Then I rode back to find Isis just to tell her I love her.

She was there in the meadow where the creek used to rise.
Blinded by sleep and in need of a bed,
I came in from the East with the sun in my eyes.
I cursed her one time then I rode on ahead.

She said, "Where ya been?" I said, "No place special."
She said, "You look different." I said, "Well, not quite."
She said, "You been gone." I said, "That's only natural."
She said, "You gonna stay?" I said, "Yeah, I jes might."

Isis, oh, Isis, you mystical child.
What drives me to you is what drives me insane.
I still can remember the way that you smiled
On the fifth day of May in the drizzlin' rain.

Cinco de Mayo

Today, the fifth of May, is the anniversary of the battle of Puebla (in which the Mexican army beat the French) and the birthdays of

Ian McCulloch
(Echo and the Bunnymen)

and

Richard E. Grant

Can Canadians Ever Be Cool?

A few months ago, I went to an industry trade event, and I got given a CD of new Canadian music. It was being promoted by something called FACTOR (Foundation Assisting Canadian Talent on Recordings), so I didn't have terribly high hopes for the contents, especially since the last Canadian band I remember liking was BareNakedLadies, and that was partly because they named one of their albums after me.

Anyway, I was going through a pile of CD's, found it, and decided I'd better play it before I took it to the charity shop.



Most of it didn't move me. I know I've heard the name "Tokyo Police Club" several times, but they sound like a bunch of guys who listened to Joy Division and couldn't get a deal in 1981. The other band I'd heard of were The Besnard Lakes, and they left me cold.

I'd never heard of Les Breastfeeders or Holy Fuck, but they seemed to have used most of their energy on picking their names.

There were a couple of things I liked. Dan Mangan is from Vancouver, and sings a quirky little song called 'Journal of a Narcoleptic'. But my two new favourite Canadian bands are both electronica acts from Quebec.

Champion, or "DJ Champion et ses G-Strings" takes a very sexy, cracked, bluesy female voice, the kind that Moby used to steal from old 78's, and layers it into a sonic lasagne with electric guitars and synthesisers.

And in this case, the voice belongs to a real live woman by the name of Béatrice Bonifassi.



Here they are on a French language TV show.

Because I'd already heard BareNakedLadies, I expect a band called Lesbians on Ecstasy to be a bunch of fat, white men, but - joy of joys! - they are real live women, and they have names like Fruity Frankie and Bernie Bankrupt, and they also sound like they take drugs and have great sex with one another, and with their fans. This has to be a good thing.



Here they are asking the all-important dating question, "Tell me, does she love the bass?". (I think she probably does.)

Happy Star Wars Day

May the Fourth be with you.

I Love to Cry At Weddings

Today, Matthew, I am going to be Bridget Jones...

Tomorrow when you say "I do" I'll die,
I'm almost too ashamed to tell you why...
I love to cry at weddings,
How I love to cry at weddings
I walk into a chapel and get happily hysterical,
The ushers and attendants,
The family dependants,
I see them and I start to sniff,
Have you an extra handkerchief?
And all through the service
While the bride and groom look nervous
Tears of joy are streaming down my face.
I love to cry at weddings, anybody's wedding
Any time! Anywhere! Anyplace!


I always weep at weddingd
I must sob and weep at weddings
Oh, all is sweet and sloppy
And all "promise me" and all that jazz
The man you rest your head with
The man you share your bed with
Is married too
And so, you know, will jump up
And dress and blow
I could marry Herman
And be permanently sorry
We would make a really lousy pair
But, Gee, I want a wedding, any kind of wedding
Any time, anywhere, any place!


I love to cry at weddings
How I love to cry at weddings
I walk into a chapel and get happily hysterical
The ushers and attendants
The family dependants
I see them and I start to sniff
Have you an extra handkerchief?
And all through the service
While the bride and groom are nervous
I drink champagne and sing "Sweet Adeline"!
Ha Ha Ha!
I love to cry at weddings
Anybody's wedding
Just as long as it's not mine!
I love to cry at weddings
Anybody's wedding
Any time, anywhere, anyplace

from Sweet Charity

Today Is Saturday, Wear A Smile

Unlike a lot of children's television, TISWAS was best enjoyed at one in the morning, with a bottle of vodka.

Sally James' pop interviews were almost legendary...

Beltane Fire

The start of May marks the Celtic festival of Beltane - the festival of bright or sacred fire, known as Walpurgisnacht in Germany. It was the beginning of summer in the old religion; people would burn their winter bedding (so much easier than laundering it) lead the animals to the summer pastures, and make sacrifices for a good harvest.

Every five years the Highland Celts would sacrifice humans, usually convicts and prisoners of war. They were either shot with arrows, or burnt alive in huge wicker men.

Queer Love

A piece of helpful advice from Jane Shilling in the Times today.

If the great question of this (and every other) age is,
“How do you find somebody to love?”
it follows that the other great question must be,
“How do you dispense with them when love has run its course?”

How nice: a considerate lover who thinks long term.
But that was not the helpful advice. This was:

'Women', says Ms. Shilling, 'are queer cattle'.

This had never occurred to me before.
I shall certainly bear it in mind in the future.

Birthday Girls

Also celebrating their birthdays today:

Joanna Lumley

and

Una Stubbs

First of May

Many thanks to The Second Rate Poet for reminding me of this ditty:

Hooray! Hooray!
The first of May,
Outdoor fucking
Begins today

Good luck to you, if that is your sort of thing.

I must admit, my current frame of mind is more in keeping with this piece of mediaeval plainsong:

dum torpescit ver a solo
while spring lies hard in the earth
tepet amor pecorum
the lust of the cattle is cold
Numquam amans sequi volo
But as a lover I will never follow
vices temporum
the changes of the season
bestiali more
in the manner of beasts

May Blossoms

May is the month of birthdays, including mine, my mum's, and many of my lovely friends and heroes.

Today, I'm starting the month by offering up big love to my friend I,LTV, who got me into this blogging malarkey to begin with.

Mwah mwah darling, love you lots, have a fabulous day.