Weirdest. School. Reunion. Imaginable

This weekend I am in an emotional decompression chamber after a week spent helping two guys I was at school with sue the Catholic Church over allegations of child sex abuse.

I hope I'll be able to write about this at some point. In fact, I hope that I'm going to feel a lot freer to write and talk about a wide range of things, because of what we were able to achieve this week. But first, I have to let the news sink in.

We know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that it really happened. Not to me (I just got the standard institutional brutality, lucky me) but to people close to me.

Weirdest school reunion ever, and most muted celebrations imaginable.

In other news: guys who haven't seen me in twenty years tell me that nowadays, I look like Eddie Izzard, or Philip Seymour Hoffman. It could be worse, I suppose. I had better lose some weight, and learn to wear makeup.

Dream Brother

There is a child
Sleeping near his twin
The pictures go wild
In a rush of wind
That dark angel he is shuffling in
Watching over them
With his black feather wings unfurled

The love you lost
With her skin so fair
Is free with the wind
In her butterscotch hair
Her green eyes blew goodbyes
With her head in her hands
And your kiss on the lips of another
Dream Brother,
With your tears
Scattered round the world.

Don't be like the one who made me so old
Don't be like the one
Who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you
Like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came...

I feel afraid
And I call your name
I love your voice
And your dance insane
I hear your words and I know your pain
Your head in your hands
And her kiss on the lips of another
Your eyes to the ground
and the world spinning round forever
Asleep in the sand
With the ocean washing over.

Written and Performed by
JEFF BUCKLEY

Anti-Matter Friday the Thirteenth

Yesterday was Thursday 26th.

Friday 13th + 13 days.

Does that make it double the bad luck?
Or is it the anti-matter Friday 13th that destroys all the bad luck?

Time will only tell.

As Dr John said, "What a long strange trip it's been."

Ada Lovelace Day

Today is Ada Lovelace Day, a day in celebration of women in technology everywhere, named in honour of Ada, who was Babbage’s assistant and the world’s first computer programmer. About six months ago, I signed a pledge to say that I would write a blog today about a woman I admire in technology, and I have chosen to write about Susan Laflin.

I wrote my first programs as a second year undergraduate at Birmingham University, on a mainframe that probably had as much processing power as an iPhone, and cost several million pounds. The alpha geek who taught me was a grey-haired woman. Thanks to her, my stereotype of a ‘geek’ has never been a spotty, inarticulate male. (That’s my stereotype of ‘student’.)

Dr Laflin taught us about pre-tested and post-tested loops, Dijkstra’s theorem, and much else that I can’t remember. She also told wonderful anecdotes that made her seem wiser still, and made the world of computers seem fascinating and rewarding to the enquiring, creative mind.

She told us about the first British mainframe at Manchester University (when the British universities were still ahead of Caltech and MIT) and how they used to debug their programs using the command ‘hoot n’. Your program played a tune as it executed, and if the tune went wonky, you had an idea of whereabouts in your code you needed to look for the bug. That means of course, the code must have been running on a mainframe that executed about four instructions per second!

If you Google the name of this fantastically enthusiastic woman, you will see that she retired in 2000, is a prominent figure in Wargaming, and researches family history. I’m pleased that the stuff about how many children she has, that normally clogs up women’s biographies, is low down in the rankings.

I'm Not Lying (I'm Just Stunnin')

I wanna hold em'
Like they do in Texas Plays
Fold em' let em' hit me
Raise it baby stay with me

(I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards
With spades to start
And after he's been hooked
I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him
A hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun
When you're with me (I love it)
Russian Roulette is not
The same without a gun
And baby when it's love

If it's not rough it isn't fun, fun
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got to love nobody)

I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin'
With my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)

Written and performed by
LADY GAGA

Fucked

The Place Where It All Falls Apart

I set out to tell a tale on this blog, and it keeps getting stuck, like an old record on a jukebox in a cafe that needs kicking (you see, I can't even order my subordinate clauses properly.) The needle gets caught in the groove.

(Younger readers, something similar does happen with CD's, but it doesn't sound anything like as funky. And we all bought our record collections again on CD because Tomorrow's World lied to us and said they were so robust you could fry eggs on them and they'd still work. )

I began with the tale of The House on Sandygate Lane, and that ground to a halt after two instalments. I started to map the Seven Ages of Gordie, and got as far as seven years old. I declared a Solstice of Sexuality, and still never got around to saying what that was all about. Then I started quoting chunks of Astral Weeks by Van Morrison. And I got stuck every time.


Confused? You will be... (once I get started)

Where I'm Calling From

Today's episode of Hot Vimto is coming to you from an imaginary society where the cultural equivalents of the Bible and Shakespeare are The Best of ZZ Top and Patrick Süskind's "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer".


The story so far:

Jesus has just left Chicago, has become apprenticed to Baldini, the perfumier, and is about to go downtown, looking for some tush.

Breaking the Silence

As he slips through the side door
And sits at the back
People say
"He has no right
To do it this way.
Shouldn't there be trumpets
And drummers
And banners
Red carpets and fanfares today?"

But what breaks the silence
Is mumbling
And coughing
And stumbling and finding a place.
The place to begin
My attempt to explain
Some things that I never
Intended to say.

Like:
Love wasn't something
I always believed in
And sex wasn't something
I always enjoyed
And dreams were like diamonds
More readily found
In the bit of a drill
Than the rim of a crown.


They tell me I'm happy
And damn it, I know that I am
That was the idea all along.
And I wouldn't complain
But it's hard to describe
A world in which so many
Big things go right.

Because finding the place
Where you're ready to start
Is the last thing you learn
As it all falls apart
It's the tearing away
Breaking down, letting go
All the things that I never
Intended to know.

When
Love wasn't something
I always believed in
And sex wasn't something
I always enjoyed.
And dreams were like diamonds
More readily found
In the bit of a drill
Than a fair lady's hand.

But what breaks the silence
Is not even words.
What breaks the silence
is
not
even
words.

Happiness

Happiness is much more exhausting than unhappiness.

I do hope this is some sort of phase I'm going through.
I won't like it if it lasts forever.

Update: I should point out that this post is not connected
to the one immediately preceding it.

Something for the Ladies

Semen makes women happy.

I picked up this interesting news from on ScienceBlogs.com yesterday. The original research was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior and is available online [1].

I can't claim to understand all the details, but apparently, you absorb it through your vaginal walls, and it stops you getting depressed.

If you would like to explore this in more detail, please contact me directly.

[1] Gordon G. Gallup Jr., Rebecca L. Burch, Steven M. Platek (2002). Does semen have antidepressant properties? Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31 (3), 289-293 DOI: 10.1023/A:1015257004839

Fire Brigade

Cast your mind back ten years
To the girl who's next to me in school
If I put my hand upon her leg
She hit me with a rule
Though tomorrow won't be long
You're gonna have to play it cool

You'd be fascinated by her
She could set the place on fire

People run and get the fire brigade
Get the fire brigade
See the buildings start to really burn
People run and get the fire brigade
Get the fire brigade
If you jump you've got to wait your turn

Friends all seem to laugh
I fear I'm apt to make a compromise
Try to reassure myself
My head must need some exercise
Half past ten in the morning
She just took me by surprise

Should she set the place on fire
You'd be fascinated by her...


The lights across the street
Throw a rainbow in her hair
I'd love you all to meet her
I'll be there, I'll be there

Notice that my eyes have been
A mystic blaze since Saturday
Brings the feeling we might need
The fire engines yet again
Though tomorrow won't be long
You're gonna have to play it cool

You'd be fascinated by her
She could set the place on fire

Words and Music: Roy Wood
Performed by The Move

What is This Thing Called Python?

John Cleese's girlfriend says he has "the package of a 19 year old".

I assume this is a reference to the sort of package that trained police dogs used to sniff for in university lodgings, when I was a student.

Porn in the USA

According to Harvard Business School, an analysis of credit card spending patterns shows that conservatives spend more more money downloading porn from the Internet than liberals. They are also more likely to visit wife-swapping sites.

"Some of the people who are most outraged turn out to be consumers of the very things they claimed to be outraged by." (Well now, who'da thought it?)

8 of the top 10 pornography consuming states voted for McCain, while 6 of the 10 states with the lowest consumption voted for Obama.

The 27 states with laws forbidding gay marriage bought an average of 11% more porn. Church-goers bought less online porn on Sundays, but more during the week.

Could it really be true be that too much porn makes you a Republican?

The Wisdom of A Three Year Old

1. Listen to your body.
   
• Eat when you're hungry, not starving..
  
• Stop eating when you don't feel hungry anymore, even if there is just a bite or two left, and even if it's dessert or something you love that is super delicious
  
  
2. Love unconditionally and make it known.
   
• Cuddle with someone in your warm cozy bed before starting your day. Take the time to greet the world slowly and with love.
• Say "I Love You" several times a day, even if you have to scream it to the person in another room when you cannot pull yourself away from what you are doing.
  
  
3. Trust yourself.
   
• You make good decisions for yourself.
  
• Trust those who love you. They'll make good decisions to help you.
• Demand what you need and don't give up.

Thanks to the super-smart and older-than-three-but-still-wise-and-cool Susan Mernit

In My Flow, Part 2

I blogged a week or two ago (Gordie is Sluggish) about not being in my flow. I've started to think about this differently, and I can see that oftentimes, I am in my flow, but some important things aren't in it with me.

I often visualise things I'm doing spatially, and talk about what's close to hand, and what's blocked, behind something else.

Right now, the thing I'm being paid to do is that big thing at the back with holes in it.

I'm going to see if I can do things about changing that.

One hour later:

I'm my own worst enemy. I probably shouldn't be blogging about it either. What a twat.

Dr Seuss Day

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Today is Dr Seuss' 105th anniversary. So you know what to do, people. Put down the Internet, and go and read a book.

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”

Nobody's Perfect

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus

Today is St David's Day, the national day of Wales.