Showing posts with label wordsmith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wordsmith. Show all posts

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Inspirational Joker Pussy


My thesis has turned me into a menace to society.

I'm searching for inspiration. Writing the methodology chapter of my PhD thesis, which feels as dry as dust, and I don't want it to be, because it's an interesting topic, it's just that the conventions of academic writing mean I'm not allowed to perform it like stand up comedy, or perform it like a dialogue.

I don't even know if I'm allowed to say the word "I". So meh and fiddlesticks. A decision was taken to explore, yada yada

I am going to sink into a deep bath of warm, bubbly water, and play Jeff Buckley very loudly. Fuck you, world of dust-covered library shelves. I shall be interesting!

Friday, 23 January 2009

New Words


BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing who was responsible.

SALMON DAY : When you spending the entire day swimming upstream, then get screwed.

OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a big mistake. (Like after hitting send on an e-mail)

SITCOM : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

MOUSE POTATO : Someone who used to be a couch potato, until they started a blog.

IRRITAINMENT : television progammes that are really annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. Like Big Brother, or anything involving Jonathan Ross or Michael Jackson.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.

404 : Someone who’s clueless. From the error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.


Thanks to Cap'n Dyke for these.

Monday, 15 December 2008

Unbepissed In Apricity


Thanks to the magic of the Oxford English Dictionary (and people who write about dictionaries) I know that I am experiencing apricity this morning.

Apricity means winter sunlight, and it is streaming through my window, warming me (I'm writing in a tee-shirt) and making it hard to see the computer screen. What a very useful word to know.

Another, far less useful, word in the OED is unbepissed. It means 'not being urinated on'. It describes me accurately. But I'm not sure why anybody needed to invent a word for it.

Thursday, 17 April 2008

A Subaltern's Love Song


Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament - you against me!

Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.

Her father's euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o'clock news and a lime-juice and gin.

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

The Hillman is waiting, the light's in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing's the light on your hair.

By roads "not adopted", by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o'clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl's hand!

Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.

And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I'm engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

-- John Betjeman

Thursday, 3 April 2008

My Life. In Six Words. Meh

Ernest Hemingway was once asked to tell a story in only six words. He wrote:


For Sale:
baby shoes
(never worn).

Clever bastard.

I just found out about a new book, entirely composed of six-word autobiographies. It's called 'Not Quite What I Was Planning' (good one) and has been compiled by Smith magazine.


There's a neat scrolling tickertape at http://www.smithmag.net/sixwords/.

Two of my favourites are:

Nobody cared, then they did. Why?

I'm always listening to the lyrics.