Friday, 25 July 2008

Breakfast in America

Venue: Starbucks Coffee House
Location: Greenwich and Bank, Greenwich Village
Weather: Sunny, 85F, very humid.
Company: A businessman in a linen suit, 2 surgeons from St Vincents in their operating theatre greens, a Dash lookalike in a t-shirt that says “Dinosaur Barbeque”, sundry others.
Music: To Make You Feel My Love, Kelly Clarkson
Drink: Venti 3shot skinny latte

I no longer feel empty, numb, tense, or angry.

I am unsettled in my stomach (which used to feel rock solid and dense). I feel calm in my chest (which used to feel tight and constricted.)
I feel free to speak my mind.
I haven't got a lot to say.

I have nobody to fight. I don't want to fight. This is good.
I have nobody to love. This is not so good.
Sex and sexuality: I know who I am, and what I want. I don't want to do anything about that right now. I don't know why that is. Tick 'other'. Tick 'none of the above'.

I don't like my short-sighted eyes. My semi-blindness bothers me much more than it used to. I barely recognise this world, even though the only thing in it that's changed is me.


Mel said...

Maybe it's not an all bad thing to be checking 'none of the above' up fighting everyone and everything--definitely a good thing.

I'd say you're right where you're suppose to be at this given moment in time......

<--makes sense to me!

Michelle said...

It's amazing how much many of us take vision for granted. I developed bad floaters a few years ago and it took a long time for me to accept that I wasn't going to have perfect vision anymore. I was pretty anxious and depressed about the whole thing. But my six year old sister LeeAnn is now legally blind due to the rare illness she suffered a few months ago -so I don't complain about my floaters anymore. She had to go to a team of specialists at the Boston Foundation for Sight and got these $12,000 lenses so she can see, but they don't make her vision perfect. She lost the membrane layers that protect her eyes from light, so she has to wear dark sunglasses in a dark room -even while sleeping she wears them. The lenses are helping, but it's so sad to see how much her life has changed and to see her confined to the house. The doctors are hopeful she will continue to improve, but she will always be legally blind without her lenses.

I, like the view said...

you are creating some beautiful writing