Rendered Speechless

I've been working on a project for a client for a couple of months now. And there's one person where I work who has been doing things that ... make me nervous. That's the diplomatic way of saying it.

This person is supposed to manage me, and approve my work. And they asked me to help them do things that would undermine their boss and potentially cause some quite serious problems for the company. I had a dilemma. So I figured, I needed to talk to other people at the company and get a broader picture of what's going on.

Am I dealing with fraud, or somebody who is out of their depth and needs help?

I arranged a meeting with someone very senior. It got cancelled. I was asked to submit a written report. I submitted the report.

Since when... silence. I have heard on the grapevine, that my doubts were well founded. They were just waiting until they had enough evidence...

But that's not why I'm sharing this with you all. What bothers me is, that over the last three or four weeks, I've been rendered speechless. I've felt emotionally and verbally constipated.

I have lost my voice. Not just on that project, but in lots of areas of my life. I have three or four half written posts that I never finished and posted here.

Once I submitted my report, I felt relief and having told the truth, politely and diplomatically, and I let go. But I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time.