I'm Not Lying (I'm Just Stunnin')

I wanna hold em'
Like they do in Texas Plays
Fold em' let em' hit me
Raise it baby stay with me

(I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards
With spades to start
And after he's been hooked
I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him
A hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun
When you're with me (I love it)
Russian Roulette is not
The same without a gun
And baby when it's love

If it's not rough it isn't fun, fun
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got to love nobody)

I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin'
With my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)

Written and performed by
LADY GAGA

My Queer Studies

I hope you'll excuse me for deviating from my normal standards of trivia and frippery to discuss something that matters to me.


Some of you know, and some of you don't, that I've been working on a PhD thesis, and a fine old mad-making piece of merriment it has proved to be.


I've been researching Lloyd's of London: how the insurance industry negotiates contracts, and the difficulties of designing an electronic environment to negotiate in, instead of doing everything face to face in this fine, shiny building on the corner of Lime Street.

Over the weekend I discovered an important concept that explains something what I've been trying to explain. To my surprise, the insight comes from Queer Studies; specifically, it comes from the insights we get once we stop thinking about nature and culture as fundamentally separate, and look at meeting the universe halfway: how we perform the world into existence by the ways we study it, interpret it, and try to change it.

So there you have it: the application of Queer Theory to the insurance industry. For example, performing New Orleans into existence, again, after Hurricane Katrina. (That seems to be a very slow project.)

I shouldn't allow myself to get distracted, but there's another chapter in the same anthology called 'An Unfinished Conversation About Glowing Green Bunnies'. I mean, that's got to be worth a read, hasn't it?

Smile Like You Mean It

What do you say when someone points a camera at you?
Do you say "cheese?"

This is Norman Parkinson, the famous fashion photographer. He didn`t like people saying "cheese" when he was taking their picture. He used to ask them to say

"lesbians"

I don't know why, but he's the genius, not me. He won all the awards, he did lots of Vogue covers, and Pirelli calendars, and advertising for the Conversative Party (don't ask, don't tell). So let's see how that works in practice, shall we? You can join in at home, if you have a camera.

If you think this is a reference
to the Blues Brothers,
you really need to get Sky.

Here is a picture of a young Audrey Hepburn,
saying "lesbians" to a pony.

As is often the case in these pictures,
the pony really doesn't seem motivated.

This couple are running towards the camera,saying "lesbians" out loud. How happy they look!

A two girl scene from Swinging London, 1963.
It's not just the paint that's wet...

Here is David Bowie, in a portrait by Parkinson.
Is he saying "lesbians" under his breath? Or is he far too cool?
Or is he just completely off his tits on coke?

Jerry Hall saying "lesbians" under a monument to David Niven, the father of Russian communism.

Her Majesty the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh. What lovely smiles they both have. But it would be improper to ask.

"The life of a world famous fashion photographer would appeal to many. But Norman Parkinson knew that without sausages, it was all meaningless.''

Katharine Hepburn in 'The Philadelphia Story'

When the alarm clock went off this morning, I was dreaming that I was trying to tell one of the women I love the plot of a film called 'The Philadelphia Story'. I think in the dream, I got the whole thing mixed up with 'Now Voyager'.

They're both romantic comedies from the 1940's. 'Now Voyager' is the one where Bette Davis has psychotherapy. ‘The Philadelphia Story’, on the other hand, is (well, what did the posters say?)

"Broadway's howling year-long comedy hit of the snooty society beauty who slipped and fell - IN LOVE."

Katharine Hepburn plays Tracy Lord Haven, a wealthy, stubborn, arrogant railroad heiress - "married on impulse and divorced in a rage" - who's about to get married for the second time, but still has feelings for her first husband, the dashing and colourful C.K. Dexter Haven, played by Cary Grant.

There's also a lot of interest from a tabloid journalist (Mike Connor, played by Jimmy Stewart) who gets exclusive rights to cover the wedding by threatening to reveal a number of rude (but true) stories about various members of the family.

In true Jane Austen style, proto-husband number two is safe but dull, so you know he isn't going to get the girl. (Heck, he doesn't even get to be on the DVD cover.) In one scene, Hepburn's character considers contracting smallpox in order to postpone the wedding. As you do.

When I was growing up, Katharine Hepburn was probably the oldest woman I ever fancied. Intelligent, good-looking, redheaded and a feminist (you see, even as a teenager, I didn't go for the easy option), she still looked incredibly sexy when she was over ninety. Way to go, girl.