Happy Birthday Billie Holiday

"If I'm going to sing like someone else,
then I don't need to sing at all."

Billie Holiday, born April 7th, 1915

The Asteroids Galaxy Tour

This song is soooo retro I feel like I'm fourteen again. ("Here comes Johnny Yen again"). The band are rehearsing in a room that's got an old Wurlitzer organ and some naff furniture in it, like it's a church hall or something.

The bass player looks like Paul Simonon from the Clash, and the guy whacking a tambourine has his jaw clamped shut so tight you know he's deeply pissed off that he's not doing the singer.



In the chorus, there's a synthesised string patch that sounds all slurred and reminds me of being on a dancefloor with some slightly dodgy chemicals beginning to mess my head up. This is a good thing, although strictly speaking, it's not a fourteen-years-old thing. Don't try this at home.

The singer is pretty hot by the way. She's complaining about how she's been dating a Bad Boy, and it's all gone wrong (typical). I think she sings "he leaves my soul on the floor like a dog". Why do hot girls actively seek out men who don't give a damn about the content of their souls? I still don't know.

The band are from Copenhagen. This is their first single. You can buy it in the UK from Monday. They have a MySpace. Check 'em out.

So, for three minutes and forty seconds, I am fourteen again. Only this time, I have a driving licence, and I can get served in pubs.

Bring. It. On.

"Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music
to get into girls’ pants:
use it to get into their heads. "
SCROOBIUS PIP

Brain Damage

For the lovely I'LTV

According to some people with far too much time on their hands and access to a well-stocked pharmacy cabinet, the Floyd wrote Dark Side of the Moon as a soundtrack to Wizard of Oz. To get the effect, you have to cue up the CD, load up the bong, and press [PLAY] when the MGM lion roars for the third time.

Here are Dorothy and the Tin Man singing "If I only had a brain", which synchronises with "Brain Damage".

Stuck inside these four walls,
Sent inside forever,
Never seeing no one nice again
Like you, Mama, like you.

If I ever get out of here,
Going to give it all away
To a registered charity.
All I need is a pint a day
If I ever get out of here.

Well, the rain exploded with a mighty crash
As we fell into the sun,
And the first one said to the second one there
I hope you're having fun.
Band on the run, band on the run.
And the jailer man and Sailor Sam
Were searching every one
For the band on the run
Band on the run
Band on the run
Band on the run

WINGS
"The band The Beatles could have been"

Saturday Night Special

The divine Miss Piggy struts her stuff in the latest electro-disco style.
(Not suitable for under-18s)

Today Is Saturday, Wear A Smile

Unlike a lot of children's television, TISWAS was best enjoyed at one in the morning, with a bottle of vodka.

Sally James' pop interviews were almost legendary...

Drugs Are Bad

Okay, I'm convinced. Drugs really are bad for you.

I blame Mrs. Thatcher. When the hippies and the anarchists and the musicians were running the drug trade, they would never let you get like this. The profit motive has spoiled it for everyone.

If you don't believe me, take a look at Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, the world's most elegantly wasted human being.

He's sixty-four years old, and he looks a lot better than your grandpa, doesn't he? And he gets to hang out with cool guys like Johnny Depp, climb trees, advertise Louis Vuitton, and still gets on with his day job.

So, if you want to take drugs, make sure you have a lot of money, a good doctor, and a good lawyer. And some really nice friends.

If you get into drugs because you're unhappy, messed up in the head, want to escape, or even worse, want to be popular, they won't help you. They'll just make you worse.



Here's two videos of Amy Winehouse from a few years back, when she was talented, curvy, and damned hot. I feel deprived.